"Babies, They Jump."

In case you missed it, this happened yesterday:

Little S is practically a genius.

The way he talks now never ceases to amaze me, but 2 year olds attention spans must be shorter than they are.

Little S goes so rapidly from one topic to the next that I can't keep up. I'll start singing ABC's and he'll interrupt and be like, "No. Pat pat!" So then I have to start singing the theme to Little Einstiens. About 2 lines into that he requests The Itsy Bitsy Spider and so on and so forth until somehow we get to the topic of whether or not the death penalty should be legal.

He's hilarious though.  Between his inability to comprehend social norms and incoherent toddler speak that I'm 76% guessing on what is actually being said, he is a funny little kid. "You better be writing all this down!" people keep saying. I'll do you one better, I'll write it down, then post it on the Internet.

Things my 2 year old says:

Little S loves to hold Rae's hand and kiss her.  He just loves her so much the only way he can think of showing his affection is by either kissing her, holding her hand or attempting to poke her eye out.  And every single time he does anything sweet he says "Aw I toot. Rae toot." As an attempt to say cute, but really it just sounds like he has uncontrollable gas when he's around his sister.  

Let's not forget his most recent comments about his sister, who has been unusually fussy lately.  "What's your sister's name?"  

Cry-Yen.  

"Raelyn?"  

Cry-yen is cryin'. HA IT’S FUNNY!  

My child is maniacal.

The first time Little S ever really heard me have the hiccups I was doing the dishes.  He promptly fell on the ground at my feet and sobbed saying "OH NO! MOMMY! OH NO! NONONO!" 

I'm fine.  I'm not dying, I promise.  
Then, not 2 days later, Rae had the hiccups.  "Aw Rae. Aw hiccups.  Love hiccups."  Who loves hiccups?  This kid won't say I love you to me but he'll say he LOVES hiccups.  Really?

Apparently Little S thinks he's a DJ?

Little S has a slight obsession with Lightning McQueen.  And a black eye.  Which he got from running directly into the corner of a table.  Someone asked him how he got his black eye and he promptly responded, "I race Lightning and Mater."  Um, I'm 100% sure you did NOT get a black eye by racing your cars.  But if you want to spice up your story a little bit, whatever.  Watching him play with his 6 different cars, I nonchalantly asked him who he loved more, me or Lightning.  

"UH LIGHTNING QUEEN."  

What about mommy?  Don't you love me?

"Nononononono LIGHTNING QUEEN"

When I was in Kindergarten, I won a lifetime pass to the circus.  I know it sounds like I'm making that up, but I'm not.  My sister entered me and my 3 sisters in a drawing at Sears and I won.  So now every year I get free VIP tickets for me and 3 guests any day, any place the circus goes. I could literally follow the circus around and go every day if I wanted to (I don't want to).  We took Little S this year and the one thing that has been stuck in his head was the dogs jumping.  Like, really?  We saw a motorcycle up on a tight rope, elephants sitting on each other, and a lion almost eat someone and you're memory is stuck on the everyday dogs that jumped?  We were eating breakfast, MONTHS after this trip to the circus and he's tells me

"Doggies!  They jump! They jumprope."

Yes, son.  I know.

"And babies.  They jump."  

....no?

I'm not sure who let Little S watch The Godfather, but apparently he thinks he's Don.  He keeps shoving his dirty hands in my face and saying "Kiss mommy." in the most disgusted tone I've ever heard come out of a toddler's mouth.  I'm sorry I've disgraced our family, Little S.

Oh, and I'd be crazy not to mention this.

I'm pretty sure my kid is going to go to the grave claiming he doesn't love me.

M