I'm sensitive.
If you look at me, or think about possibly glancing my way, my day is ruined.
If you look at me, or think about possibly glancing my way, my day is ruined.
I don't know why I'm like this, I just am.
So when I started noticing weird stuff going on with Rae I got worried. I'd tell my doctor my concerns and when they weren't concerned my mind eased.
Little S has a reason behind his name.
When we found out we were having a baby, we knew we needed a strong name for him.
Big S had an undiagnosed arterial septal defect for 15 months, basically a very large hole in his heart. He was failure to thrive and no one knew why he wasn't gaining weight. But he continued to hit milestones and was otherwise healthy.
He had heart surgery to close the hole at 18 months old. Big S is fine now, but the chance of that heart defect being passed on to our kids was always a fear. So we named our son Samson.
If you don't know the story of Samson it goes like this: kid doesn't cut his hair, kid has incredible strength, cut it and it goes away (possibly the most abridged and informal bible story ever told). We made the mistake of cutting Little S's hair and I think all that did was turn on his crazy. He was so sweet before his first haircut, I can't help but feel I'm to blame.
When we found out we were having a baby, we knew we needed a strong name for him.
Big S had an undiagnosed arterial septal defect for 15 months, basically a very large hole in his heart. He was failure to thrive and no one knew why he wasn't gaining weight. But he continued to hit milestones and was otherwise healthy.
He had heart surgery to close the hole at 18 months old. Big S is fine now, but the chance of that heart defect being passed on to our kids was always a fear. So we named our son Samson.
If you don't know the story of Samson it goes like this: kid doesn't cut his hair, kid has incredible strength, cut it and it goes away (possibly the most abridged and informal bible story ever told). We made the mistake of cutting Little S's hair and I think all that did was turn on his crazy. He was so sweet before his first haircut, I can't help but feel I'm to blame.
But I digress, so the reason I can't help but feel such anxiety and fear for what's to come for Rae is that you don't know the whole story.
Without diving into too much detail about her bowel issues (one day she'll read this and hate me for talking about her poop-or lack there of- issues), just know she has digestive issues. Issues to the point that my pediatrician said she has NEVER heard of a breastfed baby with these kinds of issues. So we're going to a gastroenterology specialist at the Children's hospital.
And her heart, we worry about her heart. You can't hear a murmur if you have a hole. With Big S and his ASD, there is a 30-40% chance of the defect being passed to our kids. So we worry, and we do testing and confirm there's no hole.
Without diving into too much detail about her bowel issues (one day she'll read this and hate me for talking about her poop-or lack there of- issues), just know she has digestive issues. Issues to the point that my pediatrician said she has NEVER heard of a breastfed baby with these kinds of issues. So we're going to a gastroenterology specialist at the Children's hospital.
And her heart, we worry about her heart. You can't hear a murmur if you have a hole. With Big S and his ASD, there is a 30-40% chance of the defect being passed to our kids. So we worry, and we do testing and confirm there's no hole.
We have to confirm she's okay.
We have to test and confirm there's no blockage in her intestines.
We have to do echos and colonoscopys.
And we do viles and viles of blood work to confirm she has no auto immune diseases.
We have to do echos and colonoscopys.
And we do viles and viles of blood work to confirm she has no auto immune diseases.
So while "failure to thrive" means nothing to some, it says a lot about our baby.
With the family history, there's a much greater chance there's something wrong.
And even if there is not, we have to check.
And all this testing, these hours of doctor visits and commutes to and from pediatric specialist and weight checks and all the poking and prodding they have to do to check is exhausting and terrifying. Even if there is NOTHING wrong, and she is just a petite little thing, this testing HAS to be done. And I have to watch my baby be uncomfortable every day until we figure out what is or isn't wrong.
With the family history, there's a much greater chance there's something wrong.
And even if there is not, we have to check.
And all this testing, these hours of doctor visits and commutes to and from pediatric specialist and weight checks and all the poking and prodding they have to do to check is exhausting and terrifying. Even if there is NOTHING wrong, and she is just a petite little thing, this testing HAS to be done. And I have to watch my baby be uncomfortable every day until we figure out what is or isn't wrong.
So yes, my last post was overly sensitive to the "don't worry"s and the people who have made me feel like I'm over reacting.
But I worry because that is my job.
But I worry because that is my job.
I worry now, and I'll worry when she's 5 and when she's 12 and when she's 20. She'll always be my baby and I'll always fight for her.
M
<3 you that it all!!
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