Surgery.

Yesterday sucked.

I woke up at 3:30, despite taking a unisom the night before.

I did laundry, cleaned the counters, vacuumed, and cleaned the bathroom, followed by chugging 7 cups of coffee (it's disgusting that this isn't an exaggeration) and listening to Carry On on repeat until it was time to drop Little S off at my sisters.

Drove to the hospital and got her checked in. She was so nervous when we got back the surgery room that I had to sing Let It Go over and over and over again until the GI came in.

Then I handed my baby off for the 3rd time after she went under.

This is probably the worst feeling EVER.

Then about 40 minutes later it was over. 

After about an hour of continually being calmed down, then disturbed again by the prodding of fixing IVs and getting hooked up to monitors, we finally got transferred to our room.

Which is tiny.

Yes, that's the crib she's supposed to sleep in. It looks like a dungeon.

At this point, she's still only had IV fluids. They started her on pedialyte late last night through the new tube and hopefully she'll get some solids today.

Now the tube, it's a PEG tube for now.

It's a lot bigger than I thought it would be.

About 10 inches long of tubing, which will be trimmed an inch or two before we leave. The port is the same type as the NG tube, and she'll stay on the exact same feeding regime as she was with the NG, so the only huge change is the the tube and learning how to take care of the stoma (that hole that goes directly into her stomach, that's the stoma). 

In about 3 months, if we want to, we can switch her to the button tube-which will be no long tubing at all and just up against the skin-with the same placement (apparently most parents prefer this, but we opted for the less invasive surgery since there was only a 50/50 chance of getting the button placed vs the PEG with the more invasive surgery).

So far, we're doing okay. I'm exhausted. Between no sleep the night before and getting up twice an hour with the nurses last night, I'm out of it. Rae is doing okay. She's tolerating the tube feeds so far, and other than her fevers, (nothing crazy high) she's doing okay too. She's been kind of cranky, which is to be expected, but she has smiled quite a few times. I'll be excited to see if she's up and moving around later today.

Her nurses have been awesome, our first nurse kept saying how beautiful and wonderful Big S and I are, which is really sweet and helpful when I'm so stressed and feeling like crap that my baby isn't feeling well. The nurses all keep telling me how much I'll "like" this tube better, which I think is funny. I wouldn't say I LIKE any tube. But I'm so relieved no more mean mommy holding her down or changing tape or checking placement!

Big S went home last night and won't be here today, he has to work. So today it'll be me and Rae and some visitors, hopefully Little S.

Apparently Little S has been really sad. All we told him was that Rae was going to the hospital to get a new tubie. He asked "IS IT GREEN?!" (These are important details for a 3 year old) and that was the extent of what we told him. He must have sensed that I was nervous about it because my sister sent me this in the afternoon.

I didn't tell him any details, I never told him anyone was going to hurt her. It breaks my heart he knows she's in pain regardless. He was going to come visit last night, up but my sisters said all he's been talking about is Big S and I, so we were afraid he wouldn't go home with my parents well if he came and saw us.

Hopefully only 24 hours left in the hospital.

Right outside our room, "Don't worry, don't cry, you are braver than you think". 

Thanks Sydney M. 

I needed that yesterday. 

I also needed 5 pounds of dark chocolate, but I surprisingly made it through thus far with chocolate depravation.

M.